Why...?

There's a lot of things running through my mind today, well.. for the last few days, actually. Most of them are really annoying, but I'm still going to say them even though it seems like no one reads this and I'm just basically wasting my time talking to myself on a webpage that no one even reads :\. Anyways... this could turn out to be horribally long, so good luck to those who read it all the way through. I'll put it in sections.



Stories



I've been thinking a lot about my stories that I've started but never finished. I have a tendency, being a 100% blood Gemini, that I don't finish them. Even now, three or fours later, I still know what I want to happen, but just don't want to write them. I think it went from The Kid Named Lafter and the Weird World and Life or Death: Hidden Murder of Zak to Elementalist and The Paths of Destiny because I was going through a phase. My first few stories were for fun, nothing but small sparks in my idealistic head that I put on paper. My more recent stories, expecially Elementalist and TWO and The Twins of Light and Dark have more of my feelings in them, like my stress, anger, feelings. I really DO want certain stories published, Elementalist and The Legendary Elementalist, mostly because I really DID work like.. 2-4 months on each, and they're semi-good, I guess, and I usually don't like my stories- at all. Bleh.



Future



I'm questioning whether or not I'm actually ready for what I want in the future. I keep questioning myself if I'm really good enough to fullfil what I want to be... I know it's if-fy at what I want, and that it's bascially impossible for to even want to do more than that, but I've been saying it since I could talk and I'm still going to stay with it. You know, kids change their mind as they get older? I break that pattern. I've ALWAYS said I was going to be the doctor, not A doctor but THE Doctor- the best female doctor in the world. Pff, as if. I don't even think I'll be able to pass College, notherless be the world's greatest doctor. But, I didn't really break that pattern because the more I grew up and started to become more curious about other stuff, I learned that I wanted to become a well-known author, a world traveler, and maybe have my own band- but my favourite one that I wanted was to become a doctor. I don't think I'll ever be any of those.


Past


I've been writing something while I go through my insomnia periods, and it's on Mibba.com, but it's not anything unusual. It's just a 3 chapter story at the moment, taken the place around Jayden Dowen, and his family. Jayden has six sons- three adopted, three born to him- and each play their own role in the story. But, anyways, Jayden's youngest son, Allen, has a stuffed pig, and he carries it around everywhere. Here's a snippet:

Allen nodded, and sniffled. Jayden hugged his son, "Would you like to sleep with Daddy tonight?" Allen nodded, again, and picked up his pig stuffed animal. Jayden picked his son up, and carried him out, turning the light off and shutting the door on the way back.
As Jayden walked back to his master bedroom, Allen put his head on his shoulder and fell back to sleep, holding onto his pig for dear life. Jayden placed Allen between him and Madison, and slipped in after him, and was out as fast as his son was.

Later in the story (in chapter three)

"Fine, fine," Jayden gave up and looked at the time, "I need to leave in like... five minutes. Boys," he turned to his youngest sons, "ready?"
"Oinky says he's ready, Daddy!" Allen said, holding up his stuffed animal pig.
Jayden smiled."Okay, Oinky is ready. What about Growly, Seb?"
"He's ready, Daddy," Seb answered after shuffling in his seat.

This really reminds me of when I was little, because I had my own stuffed animal (hell, I still do) and I used to have to bring him EVERYWHERE I went.. I think I even took him to school until I got the fear of fire-drills and that they weren't real fire-drills... it's kind of depressing.



There's more but I won't bore you with all the details (sighs).